The quest to the rest of my life started about ten years ago, when I found myself in a tent in Dronten in the middle of nowhere. I signed myself up for a solitary twenty-four hours ‘into the wild’. For as far as you can call an estate the wild. But anyways, one day and one night without food or a phone, just a tent and the necessary water supply. This vision quest was to guide me to the rest of my life. An impossible task if you ask me, within just twenty-four hours. All I did was dwell on the past. But of course I marveled at the occasional deer that popped his head out from above the high grass. 

What had actually happened to me at the time? My lineair life had been disrupted not by one thing, but by a series of events: troubled parents, broken relationships. All this led to sleepless nights and racing thoughts and so I spent my 31st birthday in a mental hospital.

As time passed I lost a lot more than just my mind. So what did I do with a life without a job, a house or any spouse? I continued my quest to the rest of my life. I knew by now life was no linear upward line, life was like a set of waves; sometimes you’re up, sometimes you’re down. And if life is like a set of waves, you must be able to ride these waves of life, right? I was determined  to find a way to learn how to surf life, with all its ups and downs. I looked for age old wisdoms and theories, which led me to quotes by Nicola Tesla ‘If you want to understand the secrets of the universe, you have to think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration’. And I learned about Maslow’s Self Actualization theory, the highest truest expression of yourself, isn’t that what we all aspire? I also found that wisdom stems from a combination of head and heart and that  synchronicity (meaningful coincidences) can guide you while you navigate through life. So what? I think, after a quest of a decade, there is no book or theory one can ever read to learn how to surf life. In order to learn how to surf life you have to live it and you will only learn how to surf by just doing it. 

Love G

De afgelopen elf jaar is het leven met een Bipolaire Stoornis er voor mij één van ups en downs, van vallen en opstaan geweest. Maar ik heb inmiddels leren leven met mijn stoornis en ik boek nog steeds vooruitgang in mijn herstel.

Zo heb ik met Parnassia en Altrecht gewerkt aan mijn klinische herstel. Howie the Harp en Enik Recovery College hebben mij geholpen bij mijn persoonlijke herstel. En tenslotte zullen het UWV en Lister me gaan helpen met mijn maatschappelijke herstel.

Als Howie en Peer draag ik graag mijn steentje bij als Ervaringsdeskundige. Als het delen van mijn ervaringen anderen kan wijzen in de richting van herstel zou dit bijdragen aan mijn missie de struggle te verzachten voor mensen met gelijke ervaringen. Daarom deel ik via thesurfoflife.com en thesurfoflife.blog graag de ervaringen en bevindingen van mijn herstel.

Image: vocal.media

Every Sunday I visit my parents’ and while I do, I take a walk with my dad through the neighborhood. We talk about life and everything that’s on our minds: the past, the future, the present, work, or the lack of in my case. But often he comes up with quotes that suit our covnersation, just like this past Sunday afternoon, he said something like:

“In the extremes life has its joy, but in the middle its conservation”.

It’s a quote by some famous Dutch person from the past. I don’t remember his name and I don’t remember what the exact words were. But it is so true. And I think it suits the idea of Surfing Life. And then I found this video by The School of Life, a Dutch self development institute in Amsterdam:

Let me know if it is of any help in the comments.

Under construction, will be posted at some point in the future.

Here’s some food for thought:

Over the past century the self-improvement industry has grown to a multibillion-dollar a year industry (according to Wikipedia). And do you know the bottom line of what those self-help authors and gurus are trying to tell us? Life can be made. You write your own destiny. Think of that for a moment: of all the stars and the planets in the galaxy and all the 7.5 billion people on this planet spread out over 195 countries, what are the odds you are ‘making things happen’?

When I was younger I used to think life could be made: you work hard in school, you land a good job right? But as I grew older I learned things happen to us that we have no control over; disease, troubled parents, broken relationships, unemployment. It is just the happy few that have reached extreme highs in their lives that believe life can truly be made. They think they achieved what they have achieved, because they ‘made things happen’. But like Malcolm Gladwell described so well in Outliers, these people had opportunities that others didn’t have. They grew up in an environment that nurtured the talents and interests they were born with. Some say luck doesn’t exist, it’s simply preparation meeting opportunity. Okay, but where does the opportunity come from in the first place, I wonder?

The opportunity is like a wave, it comes from ‘somewhere’. Because there was a storm at sea, or there is a shallow reef near the coast. Of course you have to master paddling, and get on your feet, and stay on to really ride that wave. But you did not ‘create’ the wave. Those are the forces of nature. What I am trying to say here is that there are higher powers at stake. I start to believe we have much less control over our lives than the self-help books tell us we have. As I see it, all we can do is ride those waves that come for us every day and hope for the best.

Happy Surfing!

Image: Me riding my ‘wave’ in Oregon, back in 2018. (Read: Just do it)

This one time I was on a project in South Africa for work. Everyone from our project went to the lion’s reserve one afternoon, to pet the lions. But I decided to play golf with some locals. It didn’t take long for the men I played with to recognize I was pretty good ‘for a woman’. But the ladies’ tee box makes the fairway a lot shorter one noticed. So he said I had to tee off from the men’s tee box as well. ‘That’s unfair I answered, I’m a lady, I can tee off from the ladies’ box, that’s the rules’. Well he replied: ‘If you wanna piss with the big dogs, you gotta lift your leg a little higher’. And so I did, on the next hole I teed off from the men’s box and played like a big dog.

Image: europosters.nl

I think I’m happy. Which in itself is a weird thought, because happiness should be a gut feeling.

In the staircase in our house is a sign that says: ‘Happiness is not a destination, it’s a way of life’. And that’s how it is. I always thought: I need a house, a man and a job to be happy. But today I did volunteerwork, had a date without strings attached and came home to a group home. Not the way I imagined things to be by now, but day to day I am happy. Because I serve with purpose, I love in whatever shape or form it comes and I have a roof over my head. What more do you want?

I still believe in paradise. But now at least I know it’s not some place you can look for, ’cause it’s not where you go. It’s how you feel for a moment in your life when you’re a part of something, and if you find that moment… it lasts forever…

– The Beach, 2000