Why I think my story should be told? Because it’s out of the ordinary, and a sign of our time at the same time. I don’t believe I, my little self, built this life on my own. Not the highs, nor the lows. But it’s a result of the time I grew up in. I am not a Boomer or part of Gen X. I am an Xennial*. For a while I thought I was supposed to earn a living and raise a family. But how, if you spend your time obtaining a college degree, making a career and traveling the world? Let alone the fact your college sweetheart has his own goals and dreams, your parents are victims of a Global financial crisis and you become mentally ill because of all the stress posed upon you, because of it. 

I had fun, I sure did, but I suffered too, more than anyone should suffer in a lifetime. I lost, again and again, while I did everything right and worked very, very hard like they taught me growing up. I asked God many times why this had to happen to me. But I had to figure that one out for myself. My dream is to lead the way for the Millenials and Gen Z, so they don’t have to suffer the way I did. I want to teach them what they don’t teach you in school: relationships end, a job is just a job and doesn’t last for a lifetime, people get sick, raising a family is not a given, but first and foremost, you can do anything, but you can’t do everything. That’s just life. 

Most days, nothing special happens, and I just have to get through the day, just like everyone else on this planet. But sometimes, just every once in a while, something happens, which makes me a believer. In God, in a higher power, in destiny, all of that you usually just read about in books. It gives me faith I am here for a reason and that there’s more to life than just simple existence. 

Many people, they grow up, they do what is expected of them and then they die. But have they actually lived? What does it mean to feel alive? 

Today I watched some game show on tv and everyone at the desk, when asked what they will do with a hundred grant, says they want to travel. They all want to see the world. Apparently that’s everyone’s dream. Isn’t that crazy? Of all the things you can think of. That’s it.

I have been the world over many times, so in a way I am already rich, right? The sun is shining, the world is frozen, today is the first day of the rest of my life. I can’t wait for a house, a job or my Leonardo, so I can finally start living. 

I don’t know what will happen between now and the end of summer, but hey, does one ever know in advance what will happen in life? Good or bad? Maybe Lister will find me a house of my own, or a job opening will present itself, maybe I’ll find my Leonardo. But if not, it’s also okay. Because my story will be finished and I can start living the rest of my life. 

Source: rtl.nl

Imagine you wake up tomorrow with a roof over your head and enough money in the bank to feed yourself. You’re single without kids and you don’t have to go to work for the next few years. What would you do? 

What’s the first thing that comes to mind? Would you be ecstatic with all this newly gained freedom, or sad because your life is so empty? You can do anything you want right? You must be sitting on a winning lottery ticket, but for some reason it doesn’t feel like that… 

With all this time on your hands, nothing seems a priority, except for the daily trip to the supermarket to buy groceries. And maybe take a shower once in a while. 

I tried a few jobs, but quit because I didn’t see the point, started a blog, which, except for some Facebook and LinkedIn connections no one read. I tried online dating, friends with benefits, even drugs. Didn’t end well. 

So now what?

I grew up thinking my place in this world was a geographical location, a country, a city. But I have come to believe that the journey is not an outside one, it’s the journey within that counts. What I learned on my journey is that life is no linear upward line or a nice round circle. ‘Life is a series of ups and downs’ (Tom Bilyeu), it’s like a set of waves, sometimes you’re up, sometimes you’re down. 

So, what if you can learn to ‘surf life’, like riding a set of waves?  

I don’t think there’s any doubt by now that there is an order in life, or in our Universe. ‘In the movement of the stars and the turning of the earth and the changing of the seasons, and even in the cycle of human life‘ (Katherine Anne Porter). Are there others who believe you can ‘surf life’? I think Lao Tzu already gave a hint with his Taoism before he even knew what ‘surfing’ was. Taoism compares life to a river, when we go along with the current, we align ourselves with its natural course. Modern day writers also mention that ‘you can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf’ (John Kabat Zinn). And that ‘when you go with the flow, you’re surfing life force’ (Danielle LaPorte). 

To me The Surf of Life is all about creating space for coincidence and letting people come to you, basically to stop trying so hard and just let it become part of the flow. 

“You do realize you are just as crazy as the rest of us right?” A mental breakdown was the reason I went on a quest to the rest of my life. A year later I found myself on the Australian West Coast where the Indian and the Pacific Oceans meet.

What did I want out of this life?

So, off to America I went. It had been a lifetime dream of mine to live and work in the land of opportunity. And when my dreams finally came true, I had a sense of magic and thought to myself: what if I dream up something else, can I have that too?

The dream was the relationship. It was clear that what I wanted was love. Now it was time to find my own Leonardo, I thought.

However, after my return from America, I hit a full blown existential crisis. No wonder, all my college buddies had moved on: were raising families, making careers. I wanted to find my reason for being too.

This is when the quest to the rest of my life took a different turn. My place in this world was no longer a geographical location, like it had been before. What I learned in this lifecycle between ages 35 and 42 was to let go of who I was, to become who I might be. I no longer was a Nike employee, or someone’s girlfriend. But no use ‘finding’ my reason for being or my Leonardo.

I now believe that one day, when the energy and vibrational frequency are right, my dreams will come true.

To me the Surf of Life is about creating space for coincidence and letting people come to you.

‘Find my own Leonardo’. I friend of mine once said. I have been a life time Leonardo fan, Leonardo DiCaprio that is. The greatest actor of our time, every girl’s dream, at least that’s what I believed in high school. I remember the first time I saw him on the big screen, I was fourteen years old and Romeo + Juliet had just come out. And then there was Titanic and the phenomenon it was. Leonardo starred as Jack, chasing his Rose on board of this unsinkable ship, that sank on its first voyage across the Atlantic. “I’ll never let go Jack, I’ll never let go”.

Now that I’m older I have learned my ‘Leonardo’ is not my baby daddy, or my provider, nor my roommate. My Leonardo is my lover. I know who my Leonardo is. You are a sweetheart, my friend with benefits. You are a disaster, but oh so entertaining. You are so smart and gifted, but you are too young. You have seen the world, just like I did. I know you adore me. I just haven’t met you yet.

Also read: The monkeys up in the trees | Finding ‘Leonardo’ | The Surf of Life – The Story

In honor of the 6th anniversary of this blog, I share part of my recovery story:

The quest to the rest of my life started about ten years ago, when I found myself in a tent in Dronten in the middle of nowhere. I signed myself up for a solitary twenty-four hours ‘into the wild’. For as far as you can call an estate the wild. But anyways, one day and one night without food or a phone, just a tent and the necessary water supply. This vision quest was to guide me to the rest of my life. An impossible task if you ask me, within just twenty-four hours. All I did was dwell on the past. But of course I marveled at the occasional deer that popped his head out from above the high grass. 

What had actually happened to me at the time? My lineair life had been disrupted not by one thing, but by a series of events: troubled parents, broken relationships. All this led to sleepless nights and racing thoughts and so I spent my 31st birthday in a mental hospital.

As time passed I lost a lot more than just my mind. So what did I do with a life without a job, a house or any spouse? I continued my quest to the rest of my life. I knew by now life was no linear upward line, life was like a set of waves; sometimes you’re up, sometimes you’re down. And if life is like a set of waves, you must be able to ride these waves of life, right? I was determined  to find a way to learn how to surf life, with all its ups and downs. I looked for age old wisdoms and theories, which led me to quotes by Nicola Tesla ‘If you want to understand the secrets of the universe, you have to think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration’. And I learned about Maslow’s Self Actualization theory, the highest truest expression of yourself, isn’t that what we all aspire? I also found that wisdom stems from a combination of head and heart and that  synchronicity (meaningful coincidences) can guide you while you navigate through life. So what? I think, after a quest of a decade, there is no book or theory one can ever read to learn how to surf life. In order to learn how to surf life you have to live it and you will only learn how to surf by just doing it. 

Love G

De afgelopen elf jaar is het leven met een Bipolaire Stoornis er voor mij één van ups en downs, van vallen en opstaan geweest. Maar ik heb inmiddels leren leven met mijn stoornis en ik boek nog steeds vooruitgang in mijn herstel.

Zo heb ik met Parnassia en Altrecht gewerkt aan mijn klinische herstel. Howie the Harp en Enik Recovery College hebben mij geholpen bij mijn persoonlijke herstel. En tenslotte zullen het UWV en Lister me gaan helpen met mijn maatschappelijke herstel.

Als Howie en Peer draag ik graag mijn steentje bij als Ervaringsdeskundige. Als het delen van mijn ervaringen anderen kan wijzen in de richting van herstel zou dit bijdragen aan mijn missie de struggle te verzachten voor mensen met gelijke ervaringen. Daarom deel ik via thesurfoflife.com en thesurfoflife.blog graag de ervaringen en bevindingen van mijn herstel.

Image: vocal.media

Every Sunday I visit my parents’ and while I do, I take a walk with my dad through the neighborhood. We talk about life and everything that’s on our minds: the past, the future, the present, work, or the lack of in my case. But often he comes up with quotes that suit our covnersation, just like this past Sunday afternoon, he said something like:

“In the extremes life has its joy, but in the middle its conservation”.

It’s a quote by some famous Dutch person from the past. I don’t remember his name and I don’t remember what the exact words were. But it is so true. And I think it suits the idea of Surfing Life. And then I found this video by The School of Life, a Dutch self development institute in Amsterdam:

Let me know if it is of any help in the comments.