I grew up thinking my place in this world was a geographical location, a country, a city. But I have come to believe that the journey is not an outside one, it’s the journey within that counts. What I learned on my journey is that life is no linear upward line or a nice round circle. ‘Life is a series of ups and downs’ (Tom Bilyeu), it’s like a set of waves, sometimes you’re up, sometimes you’re down. 

So, what if you can learn to ‘surf life’, like riding a set of waves?  

I don’t think there’s any doubt by now that there is an order in life, or in our Universe. ‘In the movement of the stars and the turning of the earth and the changing of the seasons, and even in the cycle of human life‘ (Katherine Anne Porter). Are there others who believe you can ‘surf life’? I think Lao Tzu already gave a hint with his Taoism before he even knew what ‘surfing’ was. Taoism compares life to a river, when we go along with the current, we align ourselves with its natural course. Modern day writers also mention that ‘you can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf’ (John Kabat Zinn). And that ‘when you go with the flow, you’re surfing life force’ (Danielle LaPorte). 

To me The Surf of Life is all about creating space for coincidence and letting people come to you, basically to stop trying so hard and just let it become part of the flow. 

“You do realize you are just as crazy as the rest of us right?” A mental breakdown was the reason I went on a quest to the rest of my life. A year later I found myself on the Australian West Coast where the Indian and the Pacific Oceans meet.

What did I want out of this life?

So, off to America I went. It had been a lifetime dream of mine to live and work in the land of opportunity. And when my dreams finally came true, I had a sense of magic and thought to myself: what if I dream up something else, can I have that too?

The dream was the relationship. It was clear that what I wanted was love. Now it was time to find my own Leonardo, I thought.

However, after my return from America, I hit a full blown existential crisis. No wonder, all my college buddies had moved on: were raising families, making careers. I wanted to find my reason for being too.

This is when the quest to the rest of my life took a different turn. My place in this world was no longer a geographical location, like it had been before. What I learned in this lifecycle between ages 35 and 42 was to let go of who I was, to become who I might be. I no longer was a Nike employee, or someone’s girlfriend. But no use ‘finding’ my reason for being or my Leonardo.

I now believe that one day, when the energy and vibrational frequency are right, my dreams will come true.

To me the Surf of Life is about creating space for coincidence and letting people come to you.

‘Find my own Leonardo’. I friend of mine once said. I have been a life time Leonardo fan, Leonardo DiCaprio that is. The greatest actor of our time, every girl’s dream, at least that’s what I believed in high school. I remember the first time I saw him on the big screen, I was fourteen years old and Romeo + Juliet had just come out. And then there was Titanic and the phenomenon it was. Leonardo starred as Jack, chasing his Rose on board of this unsinkable ship, that sank on its first voyage across the Atlantic. “I’ll never let go Jack, I’ll never let go”.

Now that I’m older I have learned my ‘Leonardo’ is not my baby daddy, or my provider, nor my roommate. My Leonardo is my lover. I know who my Leonardo is. You are a sweetheart, my friend with benefits. You are a disaster, but oh so entertaining. You are so smart and gifted, but you are too young. You have seen the world, just like I did. I know you adore me. I just haven’t met you yet.

Also read: The monkeys up in the trees | Finding ‘Leonardo’ | The Surf of Life – The Story

In honor of the 6th anniversary of this blog, I share part of my recovery story:

The quest to the rest of my life started about ten years ago, when I found myself in a tent in Dronten in the middle of nowhere. I signed myself up for a solitary twenty-four hours ‘into the wild’. For as far as you can call an estate the wild. But anyways, one day and one night without food or a phone, just a tent and the necessary water supply. This vision quest was to guide me to the rest of my life. An impossible task if you ask me, within just twenty-four hours. All I did was dwell on the past. But of course I marveled at the occasional deer that popped his head out from above the high grass. 

What had actually happened to me at the time? My lineair life had been disrupted not by one thing, but by a series of events: troubled parents, broken relationships. All this led to sleepless nights and racing thoughts and so I spent my 31st birthday in a mental hospital.

As time passed I lost a lot more than just my mind. So what did I do with a life without a job, a house or any spouse? I continued my quest to the rest of my life. I knew by now life was no linear upward line, life was like a set of waves; sometimes you’re up, sometimes you’re down. And if life is like a set of waves, you must be able to ride these waves of life, right? I was determined  to find a way to learn how to surf life, with all its ups and downs. I looked for age old wisdoms and theories, which led me to quotes by Nicola Tesla ‘If you want to understand the secrets of the universe, you have to think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration’. And I learned about Maslow’s Self Actualization theory, the highest truest expression of yourself, isn’t that what we all aspire? I also found that wisdom stems from a combination of head and heart and that  synchronicity (meaningful coincidences) can guide you while you navigate through life. So what? I think, after a quest of a decade, there is no book or theory one can ever read to learn how to surf life. In order to learn how to surf life you have to live it and you will only learn how to surf by just doing it. 

Love G

De afgelopen elf jaar is het leven met een Bipolaire Stoornis er voor mij één van ups en downs, van vallen en opstaan geweest. Maar ik heb inmiddels leren leven met mijn stoornis en ik boek nog steeds vooruitgang in mijn herstel.

Zo heb ik met Parnassia en Altrecht gewerkt aan mijn klinische herstel. Howie the Harp en Enik Recovery College hebben mij geholpen bij mijn persoonlijke herstel. En tenslotte zullen het UWV en Lister me gaan helpen met mijn maatschappelijke herstel.

Als Howie en Peer draag ik graag mijn steentje bij als Ervaringsdeskundige. Als het delen van mijn ervaringen anderen kan wijzen in de richting van herstel zou dit bijdragen aan mijn missie de struggle te verzachten voor mensen met gelijke ervaringen. Daarom deel ik via thesurfoflife.com en thesurfoflife.blog graag de ervaringen en bevindingen van mijn herstel.

Image: vocal.media

Every Sunday I visit my parents’ and while I do, I take a walk with my dad through the neighborhood. We talk about life and everything that’s on our minds: the past, the future, the present, work, or the lack of in my case. But often he comes up with quotes that suit our covnersation, just like this past Sunday afternoon, he said something like:

“In the extremes life has its joy, but in the middle its conservation”.

It’s a quote by some famous Dutch person from the past. I don’t remember his name and I don’t remember what the exact words were. But it is so true. And I think it suits the idea of Surfing Life. And then I found this video by The School of Life, a Dutch self development institute in Amsterdam:

Let me know if it is of any help in the comments.

Under construction, will be posted at some point in the future.

Here’s some food for thought:

Over the past century the self-improvement industry has grown to a multibillion-dollar a year industry (according to Wikipedia). And do you know the bottom line of what those self-help authors and gurus are trying to tell us? Life can be made. You write your own destiny. Think of that for a moment: of all the stars and the planets in the galaxy and all the 7.5 billion people on this planet spread out over 195 countries, what are the odds you are ‘making things happen’?

When I was younger I used to think life could be made: you work hard in school, you land a good job right? But as I grew older I learned things happen to us that we have no control over; disease, troubled parents, broken relationships, unemployment. It is just the happy few that have reached extreme highs in their lives that believe life can truly be made. They think they achieved what they have achieved, because they ‘made things happen’. But like Malcolm Gladwell described so well in Outliers, these people had opportunities that others didn’t have. They grew up in an environment that nurtured the talents and interests they were born with. Some say luck doesn’t exist, it’s simply preparation meeting opportunity. Okay, but where does the opportunity come from in the first place, I wonder?

The opportunity is like a wave, it comes from ‘somewhere’. Because there was a storm at sea, or there is a shallow reef near the coast. Of course you have to master paddling, and get on your feet, and stay on to really ride that wave. But you did not ‘create’ the wave. Those are the forces of nature. What I am trying to say here is that there are higher powers at stake. I start to believe we have much less control over our lives than the self-help books tell us we have. As I see it, all we can do is ride those waves that come for us every day and hope for the best.

Happy Surfing!

Image: Me riding my ‘wave’ in Oregon, back in 2018. (Read: Just do it)