‘You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf’ ~ Jon Kabat-Zinn

Wat is The Surf of Life eigenlijk?

The Surf of Life is het idee dat het leven niet lineair is, maar meer een golfbeweging. En dat je op die golven kunt leren surfen. 

Daar begon t mee in 2014. Het idee werd een website, de website werd een blog en de blog heeft inmiddels 11k views. 

Maar The Surf of Life is ook mijn herstelverhaal, en aangezien herstel nooit af is, is mijn verhaal ook nooit af. Na een flinke periode van struggles heb ik wel t idee dat ik in rustiger vaarwater terecht ben gekomen. Ik woon niet meer op een ‘locatie’, maar heb een eigen studio. Geen huisgenoten meer en geen begeleiding die ieder moment het huis binnen kan lopen. Ik heb de juiste zorg gevonden en ga zelfs dit najaar beginnen met een ‘proefplaatsing’. 

Waarom The Surf of Life?

‘Het leven is je gegeven, creëer ruimte voor toeval, laat mensen naar jou toe komen’. Ik heb tijdens mijn herstel veel adviezen gekregen. Adviezen die niet alleen op een herstelproces van toepassing zijn, maar ook op t leven in t algemeen. 

     Ik dacht jaren lang dat t leven maakbaar was en jaagde constant achter mensen, banen en kansen aan. Totdat ik de ene wipe out na de andere te verduren kreeg. Het leven is een golfbeweging dacht ik toen, met ups en downs. Wat als je kunt leren surfen op de golven van t leven? 

     Een mooie gedachte voor een 31 jarige. Maar in de praktijk nog niet zo eenvoudig. Iedere keer als ik dacht, I get it, wipe out! Leren surfen op de golven van het leven is een proces van vallen en opstaan. Steeds weer opnieuw: van vrijwilligerswerk, naar een proefplaatsing, naar een betaalde baan. Van een groepswoning, naar wonen met huisgenoten, naar een eigen studio. 

     Deze week geef ik een cursus en leren we  van ons eigen herstelproces. Wat hebben we nu geleerd van ons proces? Ik heb zoveel geleerd: geduld hebben (die golven die komen), wees kieskeurig (niet iedere golf is voor jou), geniet van t moment (er komt een einde aan die golf). The Surf of Life gaat niet alleen over wipe outs, maar ook over one’s abilities to overcome. 

     Tuurlijk, ik heb vele wipe outs gemaakt, maar het surfen gaat me al een stuk beter af dan jaren geleden. En tussen die wipe outs door waren er ook vele mooie momenten: dromen die werkelijkheid werden in Amerika, terug naar school na 15 jaar, fijne zomeravonden met vrienden en familie. 

     Ik weet niet wat me te wachten staat in dit leven, maar een ding weet ik zeker: het is alles behalve lineair. En als Ervaringsdeskundige deel ik graag mijn ‘ongoing’ ervaringsverhaal. Wie weet, misschien helpt t anderen te leren surfen op de golven van het leven. 

   

You just got out of the hospital. And you have no idea what is coming for you yet. The next decade or so is gonna be tough, because you were given a diagnosis.             

Yes, you are ill. I’m sorry. 

Sure, go chase your dreams, but after that, take the time to recover. This doesn’t mean your condition will ever go away, but you can learn to live with it. 

     Remember though, there is an order in recovery, as there is in life. Work is not the single most important thing there is. Even though work was never just a job for you, but a lifestyle. The fact that you have a job though, doesn’t mean you are doing well. Focus on getting better first: find the right medication, learn about your illness and how to continue your life with it. 

     You will wipe out a few times before you get it, accept that. Recovery is never finished and not linear. And you can’t do it alone. Build a support system around you; mental health care professionals, a close circle of friends, people that help you keep a roof over your head, people that handle your finances. 

     You will come to a point where you think you finally got it all figured out (a place of your own, a job lined up) and then tragically lose it again in one weekend. You will be devastated. Don’t lose faith. You will get it all back.

      The hardest part will not be the condition itself, but having to start life over and over and over again. Slow down. Don’t try to ‘fix’ all areas of your life all at once. You will be single, unemployed and live without a place you can call home, for years. And right when you have made peace with the past; the losses, the anger, the pain – and found a way to live without a job, or a family of your own – the opportunities will start flooding in. I promise you. 

      Putting time and energy in volunteer work will be a good call. Your hard work and dedication will be noticed. The job opportunity will come eventually, don’t worry. People will start coming to you for a change, right when you least expect it. 

     Finally, you made many friends on your endeavors throughout life, some of them will visit and contact you from across the country and all over the world. Hang on to those who make an effort to stay connected, despite what happened to you and the fact they live totally different lives. They will provide you with positive energy and most importantly, remind you of who you are, even though you got lost for a while. 

     Good luck, you got this! 

     

I look at the books I gathered around me over the years: Nelson Mandela’s Long walk to Freedom (from my time in Africa), Che Guevara’s The Motorcycle Diaries (from the trips I took through Latin America) and Phil Knight’s Shoe Dog (from my career at Nike). These people touched million’s of people’s lives, because they believed it could be done. Just do it, right? 

     My ultimate goal has never been to build a website, or start a blog. I didn’t even want to just tell a story, everyone has a story to tell in the end. Sharing my (recovery)story is just a means to an end. I have a dream as a peer worker: Give people faith in one’s abilities to overcome.

What I get from talking to my peers though, is that not everyone will get it straight away. I might tell people parts of my recovery story, but they see my recovery process as something dreamy and elite. Not for them. I want to show people what can be done if they just have faith. 

🫶🏻 G.

     

Dear Millennial, I am just a few years older than you are, but I remember growing up in the old age when life was linear: you earned a living, you raised a family and then you died.

Life in the new Millennium is no longer linear, though. By the time you’re thirty, you feel like fifty-five, right?. You are not Gen X, already living ‘the rest of their lives’ (raising kids, making a career), and you are not Gen Z, who were born into this crazy world and don’t know any better. No, you have to figure out life in this fast changing world all by yourself.

I’m an Xennial, part of the micro-generation right in between Gen X and you. And I have spent over a decade, in and out of mental hospitals, had countless therapy sessions, many coaches, psychologists and psychiatrists and listened to hundreds of recovery stories from peers, who also struggled in life, in one way or another.

For those of you in your late twenties and early thirties to whom this resonates: whatever happened to you in your life, this is not the end, it is only the beginning. This is your life. Forget about society’s expectations and stop spending eight hours a day on your socials or playing video games, in lack of a better idea. Understand that life is like a set of waves, wiping out is inevitable, but you can learn how to surf. 

I invite you to go on a quest to the rest of your life like I did and dream big, because I promise you it can be magical. 

🫶🏻 G.

During my recovery process many people have told me they believe a manic episode or psychosis is a ‘spiritual experience’. I always thought it was nonsense. To me it was simple; you lose your mind for a while and medication will bring you back to reality. 

     But now, twelve years after my first episode, when I come to think of it, I do remember hearing a voice: ‘Slow down, this is your life, tell him’, it said. Many things happened during that Summer of ‘13, the year I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, so I kinda forgot. But lately, I start to believe that ‘voice’ tried to tell me something…

     I was going too fast, chasing my dreams, helping everyone out, flying across the globe, making a career and all that, while getting over an eight year relationship. Something had to slow me down, apparently a manic episode was it. Game over. Time to start living life in a different gear.

     Secondly, I was living everyone else’s life, but my own: climbing the corporate ladder like my dad did before me, almost following my boyfriend and his dad to the Middle East. Today I finally feel like I’m living my life, not someone else’s. Sober and simple, but it is the beginning of ‘the rest of my life’.

     Finally, ‘tell him’, was the hardest part to unravel. Tell whom? And what am I supposed to say? I think it’s about telling people the truth about how I feel. I have always kept my mouth shut in life, because I was afraid to say something wrong. I don’t know, something to do with my childhood I guess. 

     I was nice, polite and friendly, even if someone crossed the line. But keeping my mouth shut and walking away from any kind of conflict or disagreement is no longer an option, if I want to move forward. I don’t want to start over and over and over again, like I did so many times in the past. I’m not there yet, but speaking my mind has been interesting. People are not always happy when I suddenly set some boundaries while I was always easy going. But it’s an ongoing process.

     So, I guess I did have a spiritual experience that Summer of ‘13. It woke me up and opened my eyes, because I had some valuable lessons to learn, which – if I had just kept on going at the rate I was going – I never would have learned. 

I have met thousands of people during the course of my life. Fellow students at University, that came to be today’s business leaders. But also the less fortunate that struggle to establish themselves in this world, but nevertheless, possess so much potential too. I have come to believe that potential needs faith, opportunity, support and a ‘can do spirit’ in order to be unleashed. But how to become a believer and have that success experience?

My dream is to guide the next generation on their quest to the rest of their lives. My quest took me over a decade, but young adults these days, they don’t take the time or have the attention span to read an in depth article, dig into ancient wisdom, or go back to school. They want quick concise answers to their questions, so they turn to AI, or TikTok.

So, that’s why I created The Surf of Life. Are you ready to go on a quest to the rest of your life? Are you struggling in some way, or wondering: am I ever gonna be better than this? The Surf of Life might just be it for you. 

The Surf of Life is not just a recovery story, but also a way of life. See, life in the 21st century is no longer linear, it is like a set of waves: sometimes you’re up, sometimes you’re down. But when you learn how to ride those waves, life can truly be magical, despite the wipe outs. 

My mission? I was fortunate enough to see my dreams come true at a fairly young age. And as I was working towards my dreams I came to understand what it takes to live your dream. An unexpected series of events though, changed the course of my life forever and suddenly I was surrounded by people that never had the opportunity or support system to realize their dreams. Due to childhood trauma, broken homes, unemployment or poverty, they suffer(ed) from anxiety, depression, or addiction and stopped dreaming altogether. I have made it my life’s mission to provide some guidance for those that want to go on a quest to the rest of their lives and (re)gain faith that dreams do come true and that one day will be their day.

Until your late twenties, early thirties, modern day society has a plan for you; get an education, find a way to earn a living and preferably start a family. But after that, you’re pretty much on your own. So, what if society’s plan is not for you?

For those of you who have been struggling to find out what they want to do with the rest of their lives: you are not alone. Many preceded you and many will follow. I came to this point too one day, when breakups, troubled parents and mental health issues forced me to rethink what I wanted to do with my life. 

During my quest to the rest of my life, I worked on my recovery on different levels through workshops and courses. Talked to numerous therapists, coaches, and spiritual leaders, that provided me with valuable insights. And stumbled upon ancient wisdoms, new age philosophies, astrology and even quantum mechanics. Nothing you experience hasn’t been experienced before. And look, I don’t have all the answers, but the least I feel I can do is share my story, so the next generation can benefit from what I have learned when they decide to embark on their own quest one day. 

What ‘the rest of your life’ will look like? I have no idea, you’re gonna have to figure that out for yourself. But what really helped me was: 

• Understanding that life is given to you, more likely than believing life can simply be made
• Create space for coincidence, and stop trying so damn hard
• Let people come to you, don’t chase them around

Also read: Cape Leeuwin

I have a Millennial friend who keeps asking the rhetorical question: ‘What am I supposed to do now?’ Today I can smile and tell him all will be fine, because I was once in that place. 

As an Xennial, growing up in the nineties, I believed life was linear: you earn a living, you raise a family and then you die. But in the fast changing world after the Millennium, I soon realized my life was gonna be far from linear. 

A series of life events around my 30th birthday changed the course of my life forever. So, I went on a quest for some answers. My spiritual awakening had begun. And I’m not talking about advice from my Boomer parents or the many therapists, coaches and psychologists I saw over the years, while in recovery of my Bipolar Disorder (which in itself caused ups and downs). I’m talking about a deeper understanding of life on earth through the eyes of Lao Tzu who already talked about ‘flow’, Nikola Tesla who claimed through energy, frequency and vibration we can find the secrets of the Universe and the Maya’s who calculated the 2012 winter solstice would be the end of a 26,000 year era and the beginning of a new one. There clearly is an order in life, or in our Universe. 

At first the insights I gained were mind boggling to me. But now that my 43rd birthday and my seventh chakra lifecycle is approaching I have come to understand life truly is like a set of waves, just like the electromagnetic waves that create the heartbeat for the planet (ever heard of the Schumann resonances?). Sometimes you’re up, sometimes you’re down. You might have plans for this life, but God has a bigger plan for all of us. ‘Seven years of plenty, seven years of famine’, like they say in the Bible, right? 

My quest to the rest of my life took me about two lifecycles, or fourteen years, but I don’t think that’s necessary for everyone. So, to be of guidance to the next generation, I wrote down how I came to understand ‘The Surf of Life’. Who knows, maybe I can teach a few Millennials how to ride the waves of life and support them during their quest to the rest of their lives. 

For more inspiration and references: visit thesurfoflife.com or follow thesurfoflife on Insta. 

Vertel-en-Herstel-Lunch

Inmiddels ben ik twee jaar actief bij Enik Recovery College (herstelacademie). Een plek waar ik ontmoet, vrijwilliger ben en werk aan mijn herstel. Dit najaar zal ik mijn Herstelverhaal voor de derde keer vertellen tijdens de Vertel-en-Herstel-Lunch bij Enik, dit keer op locatie Woerden. Als je erbij wilt zijn, houd dan de website in de gaten: Programma

Wat is Enik Recovery College?

Enik Recovery College is een herstelacademie: een leeromgeving en ontmoetingsplek voor mensen die persoonlijk ervaring hebben met ontwrichting door een psychische kwetsbaarheid of verslaving, en die willen werken aan hun (verdere) herstel. Enik Recovery College. Enik Recovery College is een initiatief van Lister.

Wat is een Herstelverhaal?

Herstel is een persoonlijk proces, het betekent voor iedereen iets anders en vertelt steeds een uniek verhaal. Een herstelverhaal is niet zo maar een verhaal. Het is een beschrijving van (negatieve) ervaringen, inzichten in het leren omgaan met kwetsbaarheden en wat tot steun is geweest tijdens het herstelproces. Psychosenet

De Herstelbeweging in Nederland

De herstelbeweging is ontstaan vanuit de behoefte van mensen met ervaringen in de GGZ om meer invloed te krijgen op hun eigen herstelproces en de zorg die zij ontvangen. Het is een beweging die streeft naar een samenleving waarin mensen met psychische problemen volwaardig kunnen participeren en hun leven kunnen leiden zoals zij dat willen. Psychosenet

Since 2018 I have been working on my ‘recovery story’ called The Surf of Life. So you can understand how thrilled I am to announce this blog has been viewed 10,000 times!

I want to thank you for your continued interest in my story and I hope I can keep growing the number of views in order to create awareness around living with a mental illness.

In this time and age I thought, let’s give AI a go. So, with a little help from Canva and CapCut, I created this video.

Enjoy 🏄🏼‍♀️