Dear Millennial, I am just a few years older than you are, but I remember growing up in the old age when life was linear: you earned a living, you raised a family and then you died.
Life in the new Millennium is no longer linear, though. By the time you’re thirty, you feel like fifty-five, right?. You are not Gen X, already living ‘the rest of their lives’ (raising kids, making a career), and you are not Gen Z, who were born into this crazy world and don’t know any better. No, you have to figure out life in this fast changing world all by yourself.
I’m an Xennial, part of the micro-generation right in between Gen X and you. And I have spent over a decade, in and out of mental hospitals, had countless therapy sessions, many coaches, psychologists and psychiatrists and listened to hundreds of recovery stories from peers, who also struggled in life, in one way or another.
For those of you in your late twenties and early thirties to whom this resonates: whatever happened to you in your life, this is not the end, it is only the beginning. This is your life. Forget about society’s expectations and stop spending eight hours a day on your socials or playing video games, in lack of a better idea. Understand that life is like a set of waves, wiping out is inevitable, but you can learn how to surf.
I invite you to go on a quest to the rest of your life like I did and dream big, because I promise you it can be magical.
During my recovery process many people have told me they believe a manic episode or psychosis is a ‘spiritual experience’. I always thought it was nonsense. To me it was simple; you lose your mind for a while and medication will bring you back to reality.
But now, twelve years after my first episode, when I come to think of it, I do remember hearing a voice: ‘Slow down, this is your life, tell him’, it said. Many things happened during that Summer of ‘13, the year I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, so I kinda forgot. But lately, I start to believe that ‘voice’ tried to tell me something…
I was going too fast, chasing my dreams, helping everyone out, flying across the globe, making a career and all that, while getting over an eight year relationship. Something had to slow me down, apparently a manic episode was it. Game over. Time to start living life in a different gear.
Secondly, I was living everyone else’s life, but my own: climbing the corporate ladder like my dad did before me, almost following my boyfriend and his dad to the Middle East. Today I finally feel like I’m living my life, not someone else’s. Sober and simple, but it is the beginning of ‘the rest of my life’.
Finally, ‘tell him’, was the hardest part to unravel. Tell whom? And what am I supposed to say? I think it’s about telling people the truth about how I feel. I have always kept my mouth shut in life, because I was afraid to say something wrong. I don’t know, something to do with my childhood I guess.
I was nice, polite and friendly, even if someone crossed the line. But keeping my mouth shut and walking away from any kind of conflict or disagreement is no longer an option, if I want to move forward. I don’t want to start over and over and over again, like I did so many times in the past. I’m not there yet, but speaking my mind has been interesting. People are not always happy when I suddenly set some boundaries while I was always easy going. But it’s an ongoing process.
So, I guess I did have a spiritual experience that Summer of ‘13. It woke me up and opened my eyes, because I had some valuable lessons to learn, which – if I had just kept on going at the rate I was going – I never would have learned.
I have met thousands of people during the course of my life. Fellow students at University, that came to be today’s business leaders. But also the less fortunate that struggle to establish themselves in this world, but nevertheless, possess so much potential too. I have come to believe that potential needs faith, opportunity, support and a ‘can do spirit’ in order to be unleashed. But how to become a believer and have that success experience?
My dream is to guide the next generation on their quest to the rest of their lives. My quest took me over a decade, but young adults these days, they don’t take the time or have the attention span to read an in depth article, dig into ancient wisdom, or go back to school. They want quick concise answers to their questions, so they turn to AI, or TikTok.
So, that’s why I created The Surf of Life. Are you ready to go on a quest to the rest of your life? Are you struggling in some way, or wondering: am I ever gonna be better than this? The Surf of Life might just be it for you.
The Surf of Life is not just a recovery story, but also a way of life. See, life in the 21st century is no longer linear, it is like a set of waves: sometimes you’re up, sometimes you’re down. But when you learn how to ride those waves, life can truly be magical, despite the wipe outs.
My mission? I was fortunate enough to see my dreams come true at a fairly young age. And as I was working towards my dreams I came to understand what it takes to live your dream. An unexpected series of events though, changed the course of my life forever and suddenly I was surrounded by people that never had the opportunity or support system to realize their dreams. Due to childhood trauma, broken homes, unemployment or poverty, they suffer(ed) from anxiety, depression, or addiction and stopped dreaming altogether. I have made it my life’s mission to provide some guidance for those that want to go on a quest to the rest of their lives and (re)gain faith that dreams do come true and that one day will be their day.
Until your late twenties, early thirties, modern day society has a plan for you; get an education, find a way to earn a living and preferably start a family. But after that, you’re pretty much on your own. So, what if society’s plan is not for you?
For those of you who have been struggling to find out what they want to do with the rest of their lives: you are not alone. Many preceded you and many will follow. I came to this point too one day, when breakups, troubled parents and mental health issues forced me to rethink what I wanted to do with my life.
During my quest to the rest of my life, I worked on my recovery on different levels through workshops and courses. Talked to numerous therapists, coaches, and spiritual leaders, that provided me with valuable insights. And stumbled upon ancient wisdoms, new age philosophies, astrology and even quantum mechanics. Nothing you experience hasn’t been experienced before. And look, I don’t have all the answers, but the least I feel I can do is share my story, so the next generation can benefit from what I have learned when they decide to embark on their own quest one day.
What ‘the rest of your life’ will look like? I have no idea, you’re gonna have to figure that out for yourself. But what really helped me was:
Understanding that life is given to you, more likely than believing life can simply be made
Create space for coincidence, and stop trying so damn hard
I have a Millennial friend who keeps asking the rhetorical question: ‘What am I supposed to do now?’ Today I can smile and tell him all will be fine, because I was once in that place.
As an Xennial, growing up in the nineties, I believed life was linear: you earn a living, you raise a family and then you die. But in the fast changing world after the Millennium, I soon realized my life was gonna be far from linear.
A series of life events around my 30th birthday changed the course of my life forever. So, I went on a quest for some answers. My spiritual awakening had begun. And I’m not talking about advice from my Boomer parents or the many therapists, coaches and psychologists I saw over the years, while in recovery of my Bipolar Disorder (which in itself caused ups and downs). I’m talking about a deeper understanding of life on earth through the eyes of Lao Tzu who already talked about ‘flow’, Nikola Tesla who claimed through energy, frequency and vibration we can find the secrets of the Universe and the Maya’s who calculated the 2012 winter solstice would be the end of a 26,000 year era and the beginning of a new one. There clearly is an order in life, or in our Universe.
At first the insights I gained were mind boggling to me. But now that my 43rd birthday and my seventh chakra lifecycle is approaching I have come to understand life truly is like a set of waves, just like the electromagnetic waves that create the heartbeat for the planet (ever heard of the Schumann resonances?). Sometimes you’re up, sometimes you’re down. You might have plans for this life, but God has a bigger plan for all of us. ‘Seven years of plenty, seven years of famine’, like they say in the Bible, right?
My quest to the rest of my life took me about two lifecycles, or fourteen years, but I don’t think that’s necessary for everyone. So, to be of guidance to the next generation, I wrote down how I came to understand ‘The Surf of Life’. Who knows, maybe I can teach a few Millennials how to ride the waves of life and support them during their quest to the rest of their lives.
For more inspiration and references: visit thesurfoflife.com or follow thesurfoflife on Insta.
Inmiddels ben ik twee jaar actief bij Enik Recovery College (herstelacademie). Een plek waar ik ontmoet, vrijwilliger ben en werk aan mijn herstel. Dit najaar zal ik mijn Herstelverhaal voor de derde keer vertellen tijdens de Vertel-en-Herstel-Lunch bij Enik, dit keer op locatie Woerden. Als je erbij wilt zijn, houd dan de website in de gaten: Programma
Wat is Enik Recovery College?
Enik Recovery College is een herstelacademie: een leeromgeving en ontmoetingsplek voor mensen die persoonlijk ervaring hebben met ontwrichting door een psychische kwetsbaarheid of verslaving, en die willen werken aan hun (verdere) herstel. Enik Recovery College. Enik Recovery College is een initiatief van Lister.
Wat is een Herstelverhaal?
Herstel is een persoonlijk proces, het betekent voor iedereen iets anders en vertelt steeds een uniek verhaal. Een herstelverhaal is niet zo maar een verhaal. Het is een beschrijving van (negatieve) ervaringen, inzichten in het leren omgaan met kwetsbaarheden en wat tot steun is geweest tijdens het herstelproces. Psychosenet
De Herstelbeweging in Nederland
De herstelbeweging is ontstaan vanuit de behoefte van mensen met ervaringen in de GGZ om meer invloed te krijgen op hun eigen herstelproces en de zorg die zij ontvangen. Het is een beweging die streeft naar een samenleving waarin mensen met psychische problemen volwaardig kunnen participeren en hun leven kunnen leiden zoals zij dat willen. Psychosenet
Since 2018 I have been working on my ‘recovery story’ called The Surf of Life. So you can understand how thrilled I am to announce this blog has been viewed 10,000 times!
I want to thank you for your continued interest in my story and I hope I can keep growing the number of views in order to create awareness around living with a mental illness.
In this time and age I thought, let’s give AI a go. So, with a little help from Canva and CapCut, I created this video.
‘Finding Leonardo’ is about a girl – woman – whose dreams had come true and she had a sense of magic, what if she dreamed up something else, could she have that too?
The dream was the relationship, but no one had shown up for her yet. Ever since she was in high school she had been dreaming about her ‘Leonardo’. No not DiCaprio, but her own Leonardo. And many times she thought she had found him. When they were traveling the world together, when they kissed, or made love. But something always came up: troubled parents, broken relationships or mental illness. Just, life.
So at some point, she looked back on all the men that ever crossed her path and thought to herself: my ‘Leonardo’ is not one man forever and ever, but a mosaic man made up out of all the men that ever touched my heart. My college sweetheart, the rebound that followed, the one I used to go snowboarding with, even the ones that got away.
See, she grew up in a world where she was taught life could be made. So she went off, chasing her dreams. But at the end of her search she realized, ‘Leonardo’ cannot be found, because life is given to you. In order for ‘Leonardo’ to find you, you have to create space for coincidence and let people come to you. And with that in mind she could finally stop chasing and start living.
De afgelopen zeven jaar was ik in herstel van ernstige levens ontwrichtende gebeurtenissen. En op mijn pad kwam ik anderen tegen met dezelfde ervaringen. Dat schept een band, maar wat me op viel was dat velen van hen helaas geen geloof meer hadden in de toekomst. Omdat ze al zo lang in zorg zitten dat ze afhankelijk zijn geworden van die zorg. Ze hebben niet die ervaring dat door je eigen inzet en geloof in de toekomst je dromen werkelijkheid kunnen worden. Ik had een leven voordat ik in zorg kwam en te maken kreeg met een uitkering, bewindvoering en beschermd wonen. Een leven waarin ik leerde dat je best doen en de juiste keuzes maken loont. Maar wat als je die ervaring nooit hebt gehad in je leven? Wie ben ik dan om te zeggen dat het loont om op z’n minst een paar keer per week op tijd op te staan om naar vrijwilligerswerk te gaan? Wat als je niet gelooft dat er een beter leven voor je in t verschiet kan liggen? Het leven wat je voor jezelf zou wensen? Dat vond ik van alles in zeven jaar herstel werkzaamheden het ergst om te zien. Niet het minimale weekbudget, niet de soms incapable begeleiding of de ongewenste medebewoners. Nee, ik kon het niet aanzien dat mensen hun geloof in de toekomst waren verloren. En daar wil ik graag iets aan doen!
Ik heb de mogelijkheden opgezocht om veel cursussen te volgen in het kader van herstel. Onder andere aan Howie the Harp en Enik Recovery College. En wat mij het meest heeft geholpen en is bijgebleven in mijn herstel, zijn de verhalen van anderen. Horen dat je niet de enige bent met soortgelijke ervaringen, of misschien nog wel een tandje erger, en dat ook zij verder zijn gegaan met hun leven ondanks de ernstige ontwrichting die zij hebben moeten doorstaan, inspireert en schept hoop. Maar aan de andere kant begrijp ik dat sommigen de belastbaarheid en concentratie span niet hebben om deel te nemen aan een cursus van een dag(deel) of soms een jaar, daarom deel ik middels mijn website en blog mijn ervaringsverhaal. Maar dit is niet alleen een verhaal over diagnoses, therapie, medicatie, en de GGZ, maar juist een verhaal over hoop en een ‘just do it attitude’.
Zo ben ik altijd vrijwilligerswerk blijven doen, om toch dat werkritme er in te houden en nieuwe skills op te doen. Contacten met collega’s en een voldaan gevoel aan t einde van de dag. En binnen vijftien maanden ben ik van een groepswoning met begeleiding, naar wonen met huisgenoten, naar een zelfstandige woning doorgestroomd. Er is zo veel mogelijk als het op herstel aankomt. Maar ja, probeer dat iemand in herstel maar eens wijs te maken. Ik doe m’n best.
Ik ben nu zo’n twaalf jaar in herstel en wat heb ik eigenlijk geleerd?
In theorie heb ik geleerd dat er fases van herstel zijn (overweldigd door, worstelen met, leven met en leven voorbij) en soorten van herstel (klinisch, persoonlijk en maatschappelijk). Maar dat waren de lessen die ik leerde aan Howie the Harp en Enik Recovery College.
Wat ik vooral leerde door aan mijn herstel te werken is dat herstel geen lineaire opwaartse lijn is, maar meer een golfbeweging met ups en downs. Zo vaak door de jaren heen dacht ik: ‘Nu ben ik er, nu ben ik hersteld’, maar dan gebeurde er weer wat en dan was ik weer terug bij af, voor mijn gevoel. Maar er is geen terug bij af. Want van iedere life event leerde ik namelijk weer wat om het de volgende keer anders of beter te doen. Dat er bijvoorbeeld een volgorde in herstel zit en dat het geen zin heeft je herstel proberen te versnellen, het komt zoals het komt.
You can go the whole world over, every city has one dawn, but everybody living has one place where he was born…My land is Kenya, Roger Whittaker
Growing up, my dreams were always bigger than the town I grew up in. So, when I turned eighteen I left. And for twenty-five years I wondered the earth, had twenty different addresses and met thousands of people. Faith had it though, that after a quarter of a century, I ended up right where I started: in Holland. And I was more homeless, unemployed and single than ever before.
Time to start over. There’s an order in life and in our Universe: housing first, the job opportunity will present itself in due time and maybe, just maybe ‘my’ Leonardo will find me in the end. Not the other way around. Because, what I came to realize when everything was stripped away, is that life cannot be made, it is given to you. No more pushing for jobs and chasing guys. Just flow with life’s natural course and see what happens. That is The Surf of Life.
I have been preaching ‘surfing life’ for years, but lately the more I start to practice it, the more life seems to work out (to my own surprise). Housing opportunities start to present themselves, I let delays in achieving career goals for what they are and therefore I start to experience the peace of letting things flow, instead of making them happen.
The Surf of Life 