“Your dreams have come true and you have a sense of magic, what if you dream up something else, can you have that too?” – William the Psychic, Portland (OR) – 2017
I will turn 42 at the end of the summer and for the past quarter century I have been running towards my dreams. Running towards places, chasing jobs, chasing guys. I had a good time. But life begins at forty they say, so what will I do with the rest of my life?
To be honest, I had a great childhood. I grew up in a small town in rural Holland, with two parents and a younger brother. All I can remember is birthday parties, playing outside and summer holidays to Southern Europe.
As a resut of this upbringing I got myself a university degree, moved to Amsterdam with my college sweetheart and landed a job at my dream company Nike. So far so good right?
Until life hit me in the face with a brick. What happened? Well, it wasn’t so much one thing, it was more like a series of events. My relationship had ended after eight years, which was pretty much like a divorce. My parents were evicted from their house, which put a lot of pressure on me. And I dove had first in a rebound relationship that didn’t end well. So there I was, staring at the ceiling night after night, until the dilusions started. And that is how I spend my thirty first birthday in a mental hospital.
After three weeks they sent me home with a bag of pills and a shrink’s phone number and that was it. I went back to work and continued on with my life, like nothing had happened. I even moved to the US for work. Imagine, a small town girl from Holland at Nike’s World Head Quarters! My dreams had come true and I had a sense of magic, what if I dreamed up something else, could I have that too?
By the time I got back from the US at age thrity five, I thought it was time to settle down. All my old friends from university had moved on with their lives, bought houses, got married, or were even raising families. And really, for the next five years or so I did my best to get to the same place. Took on a couple of jobs, but quit, because they didn’t feel right. Had a few flings, that never lasted. And moved around a lot, because I did’t have a place of my own. Of course Covid hit, which didn’t help either and by forty I moved back in with my parents, because I seriously messed up.
Even though I didn’t see it last summer, I was given a second chance. A chance to start over in life. A clean slate, so to speak. With everything stripped away, I could start building from ground zero again.
Over the past year I have moved out of my parent’s place, at least I have a roof over my head now. When it comes to love I have learned that I have to stop trying so hard and let people come to me. And as for a job, it’s just a job, it’s not my life, nor my identity.
So, this time, in stead of trying so hard, I’m gonna create space for coincidence, or ‘Surf Life’ as a I call it, and just see what happens.
The Surf of Life 