I have kept a journal almost every day for the past seven years. Today I took the time to see what I was thinking this day, during that time and one thing is for sure, my life has been anything but linear. I got back from the US, struggled to build a life in The Hague, moved back ‘home’ to where I was born, lived with my parents and now I have my own studio. Wow… Maybe it’s okay to spend Saturday night in and just enjoy my peace and quite.
2018
I thought I would move to America and that would be ‘the rest of my life’. Truth be told, I was in a job I hated and no longer wanted to do. So, I quit. After seven-and-a-half years with Nike, I said goodbye to the greatest sports brand in the world. I looked back at some awesome times: the sales meetings in Vegas and Athens, the training sessions in Scandinavia and Madrid, the crazy extravagant Christmas parties, international colleagues and great benefits.
I had to say goodbye to Portland, my friends, roof top barbeques, first Thursdays in the Pearl and Mount Hood. My lifetime dream had ended and I was looking at a large, hollow emptiness, called my life. I had no place to live, and no idea what kind of work I wanted to do next. The road ahead was wide open. I could do anything, anything at all. But that’s the thing, when anything can happen, the choices are endless.
2019
My boss at the bar I work at, told me yesterday I should just enjoy this commercial break in my life instead of constantly wondering what I’m supposed to do.
2020
I don’t know what it is with all these people. But they have issues. And I think you should talk about your issues with your therapist and not self medicate to a point where you can’t act like a normal rational human being anymore.
I don’t understand why I always give people a million chances while I already know they are not good people. It’s like what Oprah says: ‘When people show you who they are, believe them, the first time’.
2022
I need some newness in my life. Same shit different day. I am not really challenged at my internship, even though I like it there. Friends are nice, but no deep convo’s. Want a boyfriend, but can’t find one. What am I supposed to do?
Haven’t found my Leonardo. The Surf of Life is not finished. I don’t have my own coaching agency and I am not sure how much longer I can stay in this apartment. I spend my nights at friend’s places, but that’s not getting me any further.
I need a man. I don’t understand where people find them. Where is my Leonardo?
2023
Now my dad is behind the computer, the music is playing and my mom is asleep. She’ll be glad I cooked dinner when she wakes up.
2024
Today I’ll have a nice long shower and slow breakfast. Maybe do some laundry during the day. Just, take some time for myself.
The Surf of Life 