I lost two friends in one month. Without any context or explanation they said goodbye. They no longer saw the value in our friendship. Just like that. So I sat down to reflect on what happened. And it took me a while to realize that it wasn’t my fault. They were part of my old life. They served their purpose and now it was time to let go.
I moved a lot over the past decade or so, even moved continents. But I couldn’t seem to grow roots anywhere. What I didn’t know then, is that I was being prepared for a different life. It felt like the end, but it was in fact the beginning of a new life. I moved back to the place where I was from, the place where I belonged. Instead of wondering the planet, like I had been doing for over twenty years or so.
I had been looking for the rest of my life in all the wrong places. I thought: if I have a roof over my head, a job and a circle of friends, I am there. I kept holding on to my old way of living, but when I thought I was almost there, everything got stripped away once again. I was clearly being led into a different direction.
Deep down inside I know what I want, but I just don’t know how to get there. I will not live in this studio apartment forever, I will not be in this job forever, I don’t even know if the people I call my fiends today, will be in my life five or ten years from now.
I’m getting impatient. I feel like I’m ready to move on, but instead I’m forced to slow down. I can’t move into another direction right now. I have third parties managing my finances, my home and my work. All I can do right now is wait. I just have to wait apparently.
Letting go of the old, created space for something new. Looking back over the past seven years, since I got back from the US, I said goodbye to many people and places. I said goodbye to making a career with some large corporate. I said goodbye to a big world, my world has become so very small. I work down the street and the only trip I take in a week, is to my parents, who live one town over.
I no longer work in commerce, but I am preparing myself for a second career in mental health care. How? I have no clue yet. I just know that is what I am set out to do. Earlier this year I had no idea how to get back into the workforce, but then this lady from the board spotted me during one of the meetings of the client council, in which I was a volunteer and I was invited for a job interview. And now, two months into the job, we are negotiating next years’ terms. There are larger forces at stake. Which is true for saying ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye’.
The Surf of Life 