Wu Wei

Usually when I get home at night and generally had fun that day – birthday parties, Friday night drinks, or other celebrations of some kind – I feel gloomy. Why? Basically because I realize how alone I am and have been for the past decade or so. Sure, wherever I lived over the past thirteen years, I always had a social circle and good friends to spend my free time with. But that’s no longer enough for me.

I know by now that love comes in all shapes and forms. From crushes and friends with benefits, to summer flings and long term relationships. But true love, the one you want to share the rest of your days with, just hasn’t shown up for me yet. Maybe because I moved around too much in my life to settle down, or because I got sick at age thirty-one and spent the next decade or so to recover.

What if William the Psychic was right, and I am afraid of being swallowed up by the other person and that fear is in the way? Maybe it’s true, I have been looking in all the wrong places and there are not many people like me, who want to experience the fullness of life.

I keep spending my days, and nights for that matter, with men I know are not relationship material. Madness, according to Einstein, keep doing the same thing and hoping for a different outcome. So, what am I supposed to do? I want to ‘find my Leonardo’. But how? By creating space for coincidence and letting people come to me? Lessons I learned on my Quest. That’s really hard for me though, trying to accomplish something without doing anything. Wu Wei, the action of non-action, according to Lao Tzu’s Taoism. That’s how it all started, the idea of The Surf of Life.

Maybe it’s time for me to practice what I preach and do nothing when it comes to finding my Leonardo. And just see what happens in the next year…