Manic episode and psychosis: A spiritual experience?

During my recovery process many people have told me they believe a manic episode or psychosis is a ‘spiritual experience’. I always thought it was nonsense. To me it was simple; you lose your mind for a while and medication will bring you back to reality. 

     But now, twelve years after my first episode, when I come to think of it, I do remember hearing a voice: ‘Slow down, this is your life, tell him’, it said. Many things happened during that Summer of ‘13, the year I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, so I kinda forgot. But lately, I start to believe that ‘voice’ tried to tell me something…

     I was going too fast, chasing my dreams, helping everyone out, flying across the globe, making a career and all that, while getting over an eight year relationship. Something had to slow me down, apparently a manic episode was it. Game over. Time to start living life in a different gear.

     Secondly, I was living everyone else’s life, but my own: climbing the corporate ladder like my dad did before me, almost following my boyfriend and his dad to the Middle East. Today I finally feel like I’m living my life, not someone else’s. Sober and simple, but it is the beginning of ‘the rest of my life’.

     Finally, ‘tell him’, was the hardest part to unravel. Tell whom? And what am I supposed to say? I think it’s about telling people the truth about how I feel. I have always kept my mouth shut in life, because I was afraid to say something wrong. I don’t know, something to do with my childhood I guess. 

     I was nice, polite and friendly, even if someone crossed the line. But keeping my mouth shut and walking away from any kind of conflict or disagreement is no longer an option, if I want to move forward. I don’t want to start over and over and over again, like I did so many times in the past. I’m not there yet, but speaking my mind has been interesting. People are not always happy when I suddenly set some boundaries while I was always easy going. But it’s an ongoing process.

     So, I guess I did have a spiritual experience that Summer of ‘13. It woke me up and opened my eyes, because I had some valuable lessons to learn, which – if I had just kept on going at the rate I was going – I never would have learned.