Every day I write in my diary and at the end of every month I save it somewhere, for me to read later on in time. So, every once in a while, I look back at the same day or month a few years back and it’s funny to see how my life evolved over the years. How I flow with the current of the cosmos.
Five years ago I lived with my old friend from University. But I wrote ‘I feel like a homeless person’, because I didn’t feel at home in her house and was wondering the streets looking for something to do. Longing for a place of my own.
In 2020 we were in the middle of the Covid lock down. I talk about solitary confinement and how being locked up felt like a prison sentence. I looked back on my life, thinking all I had left was memories. No sign of hope for the future.
Three years ago I had met ‘the group’, the house parties left me broke and exhausted, but I had nothing better to do, since I was unemployed. I read about how I was wondering who my friends truly were. People come and go, story of my life. Especially when you have moved around as much as I had.
We fast forward one year, it’s March 2022. I started looking towards the future. How I would graduate from Howie the Harp. And still wanted to write down my story. But on the other hand, I started to believe I was meant to live a stray life, sleeping on strangers’ couches. This was the beginning of the end I think, looking backwards.
And finally, last year. I read about how confused I was. Wondering about God’s bigger plan for me. Deep down inside I knew what my dreams were, but I just didn’t know how to get there. ‘I’m feeling depressed’, I wrote.
And now look at where I am. I have moved away from the chaos. And there is hope for the future. I still need some closure from the past. But I am determined to keep chasing my dreams and keep surfing life. I don’t have all the answers, and I don’t know what the future holds, but I am hopeful. And some days, just for small moments in time, I can even say I’m happy. Well, how about that.
The Surf of Life 